Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Simeon Polaris' LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, February 7th, 2007
3:12 pm	a man plays piano. what does it mean. other than another person will get to bash him for not playing well enough. a woman raises her child. whats it worth. the child will say it wasnt raised well enough. while others criticize the woman for how she was raised her child. we all go to the supermarket. but what it worth. who needs food when you dont want life. (look in my window)
Tuesday, May 16th, 2006
5:05 am	so that was a fun night.... (2 students cured the Friday love | look in my window)
Wednesday, May 10th, 2006
4:21 am	i feel oh so alone. although that this feeling of alone. is not the reason alone. that i should be all alone. but i am all alone. althought this feeling of all alone. will make me all alone. because if you feel alone. than you will be alone. they will leave you all alone. oh i feel so alone. although alone alone is. the reason i alone want this. when alone isnt justified. than you wont buy the lies alones want crucified than they wont hear your cries although i wont say how i feel for if you doubt if i am real. than i will be not real. for what is to be real. if i werent to be alone. alone is only real. alone is how i feel. but if alone is what you are than alone is what i feel. (look in my window)
Monday, May 8th, 2006
12:36 pm	every now and than a strive to be something better will come about. appreciate those times, because they will become the only ways one could better themselves eventually. heres to you, the forgotten. (look in my window)
Monday, April 10th, 2006
12:40 pm	so i tried to remember who i was and then i remember it doesnt matter who i was. its just sad who i think i became and you look around for someone to blame for such an influenza such an annoying cold such an annoying mind fuck and than you remember that you can always sleep and if sleep is the only left to be taken. than so be it. but for now. ill hold on to my thin grip of the life i used to hold and even a thinner grip on what my dreams once were. (look in my window)
Tuesday, April 4th, 2006
12:06 am	So i once knew a man. who was poor. he wanted to die more than anything else. well i didnt know him really. more of someone i see. i dont associate with suicidal people. cause thats lame. so. he wished everyday for death. and sold his heart into fake futures and cheap drugs alcohol cigarettes and cheap women as well. he decided finally that he was losing complete control of who he was. so he stumbled onto the thought of taking the warm day time dreams into the cold night life of reality. he went to the store to buy a gun. but he couldnt afford to die. he couldnt afford to live either. and he wanted neither. he decided to just become a hermit. i dont see him anymore. but i think i might be him. i was just brought out of my shell for a short period of time in the long term sense. now i still cant afford the gun. and its time for me to go back to my home. when no one sees me. they cant make feel worse about myself. maybe thats half true. sometimes. (look in my window)
Tuesday, March 28th, 2006
1:40 pm	you wake up to find out your birthday ice cream cake was freezer burn. and thrown out with yesterdays trash. you always do find out things too late, and always realize you want something after its gone bad. these are the endeavours we face everyday. this is what is to be a human. this is what it is. and it is what makes people want to die. nothing like the prettiest rose you saw to return to and empty vase. nothing like the best milk you taste returned to an empty spot in the refrigerator in which you keep things you taste. nothing like the taste you never had. nothing like the the taste you never will. nothing like the taste you always wish. you would of had. when you had. such an opportunity. im not a man of regret. im a man of taste. (look in my window)
Thursday, March 2nd, 2006
5:13 pm	3DKKLL so today at the plasma bank some really funny things happened 1. i watched someones blood tube explode on them. funniest part besides spraying blood all over him. is he only got half of the money because of this mishap. 2. the money machine broke and i never seen so many poor people angry. for future reference do not mess with a poor person and the little money that him/her honestly earned. have a good day everyone. (look in my window)
10:05 am	9DKDA i went to sleep at 8:00 p.m. ish and i woke up just a few minutes ago. around 10:00 a.m. im not in a good mood. and im going back to sleep. im sorry for those who were affected by my knock out last night particularly Ricardo and to anyone else who meant to reach me. im going back to sleep. for at least in my dreams it feels real. (look in my window)
Wednesday, March 1st, 2006
12:37 pm	38eial would you give up everything you had everything you known, your house your home, your money, your friends your life, your hopes, your dreams. give up everything i mean everything. for a person that makes you feel something youve never felt before? i know what i would do. im going on vacation tonight under the sun of neon lights i almost love this town when your by my side i almost believed i was dead and there will be no more waiting your gonna melt all the ice in my head and there will be no more crying your gonna make it all better instead im putting this night down to bed cause i was sitting at the bar hoping you would walk in the door that says killians red cause i left you a note that said come on and come out and will both get right off of our heads and float up off the chairs i get secrets at night but they dont stay i get secrets at night but they go away will go on vacation tonight under the sun of neons lights and i almost love this town when im by your side. you woke me from a long sleep and im almost back im closer than ever to find it the hidden track if i told you the truth you wouldnt like what i said i almost believed i was dead and there will be no more waiting your gonna melt all the ice in our heads and there will be no more crying your gonna make it all better instead (look in my window)
Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
2:03 pm	and so it was. i ripped there faces from the heads and said. i told you that you werent going to be the ruler. i still talk to there faces. for there faces would never know the difference. if you were to be inside of a huge box named logan. would you be content with staying with in the box. or would you stretch the box to the end of its means. making a possibility of the box breaking free. freeing you and everything inside logan. i know what i would do. i wish all of you knew what i do. have a wonderful day everyone. im going to go sell plasma for car insurance. (look in my window)
Monday, February 27th, 2006
1:15 pm	3-9dao i havent ever felt this before. in all honesty, ive never been more scared and felt so fragile in my life. im going to go find a job. i need to find work. or else it could never work. (7 students cured the Friday love | look in my window)
3:50 am	i wish i had more to offer. i wish that i had a job. i wish i had enough money. to get through the days. i wish i would of done more. with my life. maybe become a doctor maybe make you my wife. maybe than possibly things would be alright. when you feel its right. you know its wrong. i wont speak of this until long after your gone that way its more meaningful when it comes. though you havent gone, no not just yet. i know that the thoughts is in both of our heads. i dont have a plan its hard to understand but if i had anything itd be yours im not very smart im not very nice but darling i can fake with the best of them. but its getting hard to live like a jukebox running just for when the drunk lonely souls want to play when they wanna its getting hard to look on when the skies are oh so gray. you sit and you hope, that maybe someday love will come and take you away but in the end your dreams are not what you become youll drown your beats will alcohol and pills just so your heart doesnt have to feel but once you lost the only thing you love its hard to get back to zero yes its hard to make you feel nothing. when youve lost. no matter how hard you try you ask yourself why no one knows but you so you dig deeper and it just hurts worse to know that you lost your hopeless at best well i want you to know that even though i dont got much but a pen and a touch that ill put my whole life in just so that we can begin but i dont even know where to start i havent got a penny and i got a broken heart i find enough just to drink and sit and dwell think and think about how things would be different if i would of done more with my mind my heart my work if my love i could do it all again i would my friend but i havent got a whole to offer to you so go ahead and do what we know you would do. you will move on find yourself a new man honey one that can make a whole lot of money he can build you a house a palace for you even a whole closet just for your shoes while i regret i lost you my girl but i havent got much to offer. heard your stomach stillaches well i hurt to i wanna give you my intestines just to see you again everything i have the world that i live in the flesh that i breath in id give in just for one night then maybe then everything will be just arlight but i havent got much to offer. ill never tell until your gone i dont want to spoil it until its come but when you decide to hide or run this is my apology for what ive become. im sorry i havent got much. im sorry i havent got much. yes im sorry, i havent. yes im sorry. yes. im sorry for what i have become. (9 students cured the Friday love | look in my window)
Sunday, February 19th, 2006
10:50 pm	i would totally love to kill myself however, what would be the point if no one were to come to your funeral. well no one really. sure there would be the lurkers that attend every funeral and people that once knew you. but. i thought of how many people like myself have killed themselves. and i always thought of them sweet. until the whole killing themselves deal. so. maybe i shouldnt, maybe people would show, who knows. im not dead. but the fact that some people treat me as if i were. makes me wonder what it would be like. and if i can wonder what it can be like. than i can be it. and if i can be it than i am it. and if i am it than. you were right. so lets just start back to where it all began. well. where did it begin. to me it seems like it always was. i just remember that it was from a loving birdie she saved me. i always hoped that id be able to return such a favor. show her the faith and love she restored in myself. but such favors seem trite when everything is juxtapose. for future self note, i remind myself. that through being who i am, no one can ever fall in love with me. what i am a part of is bigger than me. it hurts me hard, to know that i will never be able to give back love. and that the love i had previous the incident. can never be taken away. no goodbye, no handshake, no hug, no kiss, no flicker in an eyeball. can ever make it go away. and it will continue to pump through the hearts and souls of all. for it is the moral fabric on which we live. i am sorry the thoughts are different, i am sorry that opinions vary, i am sorry for those who will never get to know me, because of my shields. for those, who my shields have been down, i want you to know that i love you, i always will. my only purpose, is to make you happy. so as you ask me to leave, i will do as you wish, but i never will be gone from the mind. forever throughout all time. (4 students cured the Friday love | look in my window)
Saturday, February 18th, 2006
3:18 pm	i am completely unaware of my surroundings currently. i think i really lost my minnd. im gonna sip some coffee. i almost died last night. ive never been so scared. it was liike i predicted only different. becuase i reacted differently. but i home now. and almost everything has seemed to have worsened since when i left. a day prior. what do you do when you dont know what this is. (look in my window)
Sunday, February 12th, 2006
3:31 pm	dont be malicious like kid sid vicious, kid come ova to the boba in your best clothes uh and if i think i know ya,like i was supposed ta , than for sure show up lick it to the lean to the toe up, you got the nicholas megalis not from vegasus i dont know who the heck he is but he sounds preetty sweet with his new orleans style and his dope ass beats than you got your sam goodwill and i know you will definately nod ya heads so check your files they been rock rock rockin with the nile cause they always had got the flow and they can flow with the boogie down pro fessionals, than you gots the either origami yo, they all are young and they all our chicks but expect it to blow up make you wanna throw up shits out bout to go up because of its so awesome dominance make your head spin and than you might be spent, aint nobody can hold a mic to them, and if you even tried youd end up an ex friend ,cause what would happen to you id just feel bad. but id feel like id have to beat ya for being so lame beat ya like i was your dad, but with a different name, so why would you challenge the best and the fashionaly clad, but remember its all for that boy named cupid, so dont be stupid, its valentines day ball so get down with us sunday call in your sundays best. love circuit came to rock your chests. breathe. word. Boba 7:00 (1 student cured the Friday love | look in my window)
Wednesday, February 8th, 2006
9:26 am	purple, orange and gray, what do they say, what do you do, when you dont know what, life really is, what is life, antartica is, a hot air balloon, than when judgement day comes, will carry the rich to the moon. i have a ticket to come on the ride, but i will reside in the ocean (a carl rogers reference btw) until the robot cars. that drive themselves. drive me back to mars, my only true love, to which i send signals, back home through the mirrors, purple orange and gray, what do they say, what do you do when you dont know what, life really is, what is life, life is a series of connections, that has an ultimate purpose, its all will become subversive, and we will understand what its all about, through the tv and the radio, they program what to do, i tell you all of this, because i love you. youll get the virgins you were promised, too bad they will be children. everyone loses it too young now. (5 students cured the Friday love | look in my window)
Saturday, February 4th, 2006
5:00 pm	oh and happy birthday to god herself. i mean. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRENDAN!!!!!!!!!!! (2 students cured the Friday love | look in my window)
4:23 pm	if its your birthday why wouldnt you blow something up? thats the only way i know im still alive.. in other words. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS CHRIST! i mean. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE!!!!!! (1 student cured the Friday love | look in my window)
4:16 pm	man i was sitting here. high on alot of things. and i asked myself. if teeth had villages. what tooth would be in charge of all the rest. and i think my my left bicuspid would reign supreme. he'd prolly enslave the rest of my teeth. and start planting nuclear bicuspids in my gums attack my molars and such. but i was thinking. if i didnt have this so called disease. than what would be the point of planning. if i didnt have time. if time was created by man. than how could time be one of the 3 components of the world as we know it. time, space, and matter. time was created by man, to confine man, to make him work to make him go to job, to make a reason to speed up the process. but if it always existed than how could man. wow. so. BICUSPID KILLS ALL. (2 students cured the Friday love | look in my window)